As I explained in an earlier on my personal experiences with AS, "If life in a society is a game (and make no mistake about it, it is), having Asperger's forces you to play while learning two-thirds of the rules as you go along, even as everyone else knows them instinctively ...and assumes you do too."Of course, one of the twists of having AS is that you tend to develop an outsider’s perspective on social rules in general, and the world of dating is no exception.This could be compared to speaking a different language, although that analogy would imply that individuals with AS could at least "speak" to others with the condition, when in fact AS manifests itself so differently from person to person that we are generally as unable to relate to each other as we are with the non-AS population.While the resulting sense of loneliness is not unique to the mildly autistic, as Russell’s quote itself makes clear, having AS significantly hinders one’s ability to cure it.I remember feeling disgust and then curiosity the first time someone explained the concept of “dating leagues” to me, or being stunned to learn that a girl who invites you to a hotel room to "just chill for a night" might actually mean the opposite of that, or that one who keeps postponing seeing you again is blowing you off.Others with AS have told me about similar stories, all linked by a common theme: We experience dating, as we do all other social rituals, as non-native bumblers, struggling to comprehend a culture of Byzantine complexity (in our eyes) and lacking the unassailable logic of being entirely direct, straightforward, verbalized, and emotionless (which is clearly reasonable… We also notice that …I recently had a conversation with a friend who commented that people with AS should "just use common sense" when navigating the dating scene.
For most people with Asperger’s it’s a day to day challenge to feel safe and understood by neurotypical people.For better or worse, there is a music to dating, and while people with AS can understand the verses (and often have a distinctly straightforward way of expressing ourselves that can be refreshing), we struggle with the pitch, rhythm, dynamics, timbre, and texture. There is a great quote by Bertrand Russell that helps illustrate what I mean:"Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives."Thankfully having AS certainly doesn't inhibit one’s ability to desire or enjoy sexual intercourse, but the same cannot be said of cultivating the kinds of connections necessary to escape from the "existential loneliness" described by Russell.While this is partially due to the insecurity caused by disproportionately experiencing various forms of social rejection for years and years, even people with AS who received predominantly positive reinforcement in their early lives can still feel detached and isolated due to their inability to fully communicate with others.Autistic Dating is a completely free online dating and friendship site for people with autism or aspergers.Register with us to find your perfect match, we have a large community of others just like you.There is a universality to the suffering captured in “Aspie Seeks Love,” a new documentary by Julie Sokolow that premiered at Cinequest over the weekend.As it chronicles its protagonist’s dogged attempts to enter a successful romantic relationship, the film reveals an agenda much deeper than discussing Asperger’s syndrome or the broader autistic spectrum.And even though there is a number of dating sites for people with high functioning autism, most of those are expensive pay-sites where you have to dish out a month for the same features that privides for ,- a year! Since people communicate through both verbal and nonverbal methods, those of us with AS are frequently at a disadvantage when attempting to socialize in our personal and professional lives.Love requires not only the ability to have "loving" feelings for someone else, but the ability to have those feelings reciprocated, create "chemistry" in a relationship and, ultimately, create a deep and mutual romantic bond.As explained by Canadian writer to NT's [Neurotypicals, or people without AS]. It is work and requires effort and energy." Not only does this cause people with AS to often come off as emotionless and lacking in empathy, but it makes the process of falling in love almost alien to us — you can't develop or identify chemistry without knowing how to give off and read cues, or feel truly connected to someone with whom you can only communicate by feigning mastery of a social language in which you'll never be fluent.